you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
