youre lurking in front of me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize