I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
