i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
