Well douche your snatch and let's go!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i think my cat just said my name.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
