There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
