hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
