just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
