i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
