and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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