he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize