the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you didnt know i had herpes?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
