I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
