I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ketchup is God's man juice
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
