I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
