I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
