already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
