Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
