Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize