Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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