I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
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