So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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