you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We need to get me chipped asap
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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