i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize