I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
