dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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