if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish I could teleport
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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