Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
