take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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