I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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