in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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