I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
love makes seman taste better
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize