well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
