you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
