She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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