i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
