Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
