so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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