he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
