Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
