hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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