I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
