Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize