you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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