More tranny stories later!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
