Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
