I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
