nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
