we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
