I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
