got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
