1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize