Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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