Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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