Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
