This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
