I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
