the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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