I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
