i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
