he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
