problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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