i would punch a child for taco bell
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
