Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
