I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
