About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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