I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we're so committed to being not committed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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