drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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