She's JV to your varsity
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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