What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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