I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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