I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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