allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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