Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
