Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
