Im at strip club and am horny
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
