she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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