Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
