he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
