nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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