wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
