I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
