dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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