I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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