plz talk dirty to me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
