I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
