I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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