Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
