i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
