Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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