Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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