So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
